This year my only resolution was that I was going to start writing again. Whether it be on fashion or otherwise it truly is something I enjoy. I figure even if no one reads it, it's a great outlet for me, but please read it, the people pleaser and perfectionist in me can't deal with the rejection.
Which seamlessly leads me into my first blog. I have been listening to How To Fail by Elizabeth Day (I highly recommend) and I thought what better way for you to get to know me by telling you about 3 of my failures.
Let's start at the beginning. My mother is perfectly imperfect. Not in the cute way John Legend sings about it, I mean my mother has totally perfected being utterly imperfect (don't hate me mom its endearing and gets better I promise) So what happens when you have a mother like that? You tend to try and be all the things she is not. She has no interest in fashion, beauty, cooking, being organised or on time but she taught me how to fight! Which leads me to my first failure. I treat everything like a battlefield. I don't mean I'm confrontational with everyone I meet. I mean nothing comes easy to me and I have had to fight for everything I've got and in result I have become a perfectionist.
At the age of 9 my mother was told that I needed to leave school, as it was the very early 90’s, they didn't know much about learning difficulties such as dyslexia and dyspraxia which I have been diagnosed with. The head of the school actually told my mother “we would normally suggest she becomes a hairdresser but as she cant even cut straight, there is no hope for her.” Side note: this is absolutely no insult to hairdressers, you are gods amongst us. And so began my life of fight, control and perfection. I was moved to a new private school and within 2 years I had overcome my difficulties. Now when I say overcome I don't mean I no longer have these issues. I am pretty sure this blog is filled with spelling mistakes I have missed, awful grammar throughout and you can be sure I still can't bloody cut straight but I managed to finish school well and went on to get 2 degrees but all this was a fight. A fight that's turned me into a perfectionist. No I'm not special, I'm just a really hard worker and when I do something I do it well. Along with the need to fight and end in perfection brings the need to control the uncontrollable. I am an anal retentive control freak if you will. As I am ageing and growing I am learning to relinquish control, this is still very much a work in progress. I'm not good at letting go. My need to fight and be perfect and prove them all wrong comes through in my daily life. In my job, my home, in the way I fold my laundry and pack my neat draws and how I thought I could parent. But life has gifted me with a child I cannot put into a neat ‘’box’’. She too has some difficulties, hers totally different to mine but she is my lesson. She is teaching me that I need to throw my hands up and say I can't control this, I can't fix this, I can't perfect this. So I am learning to overcome my first failure by letting go and enjoying the mess that is life while saying fuck it, fuck off and this is who the fuck I am, otherwise known as being imperfect or just being more like my mom, totally perfect at being utterly imperfect but will fight to the death for her kid!
I now feel the need to make this fashion, I told you I'm a people pleaser and a work in progress, so here is a little top tip. when in doubt go lilac. There is no skin tone, hair or eye colour that doesn't suit lilac. It's literally the perfect shade. see what I did there!
Thanks for reading and showing your support as always. Leaving a comment is my love langue so please show me some.
Back soon with failure number 2 but first a fashion blog cause that was heavy!